The mention of not siring children was not so shocking — not because she assumed that was the case given what he was or anything, but merely because it just did not seem like something someone of his order might concern hismelf with. Doing his duty over all else likely left little time for childrearing. The second half, however, made her cheeks pinken slightly.
"You can't?" Well that wasn't fun for him, was it? "If you have never laid with someone, could you truly miss it?" Again, she didn't sound accusatory, it just made sense — why miss something you never had.
Ah, but isn't that what she did all the time? She pursed her lips. "It is not something that need be done to enjoy the company of another. I am enjoying this just fine."
He did not want children, though little Elion had made him feel that there was definitely some reward in raising a thing from helpless to competent he enjoyed.
"It is...complicated." Really complicated, and stupid and embarrassing and he hated all of it. "I can," what's the delicate 'you're talking to a refined beautiful creature' way to say this? "experience things. I just cannot participate. As I should." SURE that was super clear, right?
"This place makes one expect, well, otherwise." He shrugged. He was trying to accept it and move past it.
Melinoë fumbled a bit, unsure what to say. Which was odd — she usually just spoke her mind regardless of what her conversation partner thought. This was clearly delicate, though.
"Is the experience not enough, then? There is no right way to physically indulge."
Stop trying to make a space marine cry, please. This was mortifying enough to admit.
But at least she understood what he had been talking about? Around? In the general vicinity of?
He cleared his throat, wishing it were as easy to clear absolute mortification from his brain at the same time. "It has proven a disappointment to my, er, partners during my...experiences." Turned out Gadriel was fine--more than fine--with perpetually edging, but his partners had a different view.
"Did they tell you as much?" She asked. "And were you disappointed, up to that point?" She needed a little more information — not that she was a bastion of knowledge in the topic, but still.
Well now Gadriel would have to mansplain sex...to a woman. Surely, this will go well. Surely he is the BEST to explain this.
"It is." Wow the sunset sure isn't sunsetting fast enough to be a distraction. "When there is a lack of a. A certain response." Do not make him draw a picture. "Women feel that it means they are undesirable." That was something he did not have the skill with words to overcome. "I was not disappointed because I had no expectation or understanding of what was normal."
Connecting a lot of dots right now. Your cat is really fun to pet, Gadriel. Made for a great thing to stare at, too.
"I do not know about most women, but there are plenty of ways others have made me feel desirable that did not involve a physical response." And, yes, she would have taken it as a sign of interest, obviously. "But if they know beforehand, I fail to see how they could be disappointed."
She looked up finally, cheeks still flushed. "Normal? Please. No one is 'normal.' What does that even mean?"
Elion is both of those things which is why Gadriel had to settle for flipping his helmet over in his hands. "I do not know those ways." Obviously.
"They did not know beforehand. I did not know beforehand that it was expected." To him, everything was, well, normal for him, save the fact that for once, he was not in discomfort or pain.
"Normal. Fitting in." Which he wanted to do, but was always at a loss exactly how.
"But you are beautiful." In another man's voice, that would sound like a slick flirtation. This is Gadriel. He is arguing. Because she was so beautiful, she probably walked around in a cloud of compliments.
Or should.
"Do not take me as a model of anything here. I made many errors I am certain you will not."
"There is no need to thank me for stating the truth." There has to be something more to flirtation than stating facts. Otherwise, he'd excel at it. Because he is very good at factual statements.
Why could the sun not have started its downward slide five minutes ago? The clouds did not disappoint, sending streaks of rosy gold dancing over the water.
He reached into his bag--his semi-employer widow had insisted he bring bread and some cheese. He had no idea why but he knew better than to argue. It was food and maybe she wanted some food.
Except he realized he had nothing to cut the bread or the cheese except his combat knife. Well, maybe she wouldn't mind.
"Thank you for the compliment." It did not compare to being called beautiful by Aphrodite, but who truly could compare to that? Still, it felt nice, and she was not going to be rude and not accept the compliment, even if he was just 'stating facts.'
Sunsets were not a thing Melinoë experienced, so she stared at it with a look of wide eyed wonder as the sun dipped low and the sky was painted with pinks and purples as light clashed with dark, the glow of the moon and the dimming sun, reflected on the waters below.
Melinoë didn't mind, or maybe she just wouldn't notice, while enraptured by the sight before her. "I was told my brother fought to seek the surface, to find our mother. I wonder if he remained long enough to see this."
True, being called beautiful by a goddess of beauty was probably more significant than being called such by a man whose face is more scar than face. But he meant she was dazzlingly beautiful, like something rare and scintillant.
And he had grown to love watching sunsets, but he wasn't watching this one. Not really. Instead he was watching the play of light, the different colors and shadows, fall across her face, her expression of wonderment and delight, and he felt that maybe he had done something right this time.
He knew he didn't have to explain why he liked this: she understood, the way she seemed to understand the parts about him no one else did.
"I hope he did." And he hoped she would see many more here.
"Me too." She would ask him, next they saw one another. But she had a feeling Zagreus hadn't been able to craft a spell like she had that allowed him to survive. He just endured, time and time again, just long enough to see their mother and try to being her home.
Sunsets were not long affairs, but she enjoyed all of it as the sun eased down further and made way for night. She hoped Selene could see her, somehow, and knew that she was coming back eventually. Could tell the Headmistress as much. This had to be part of the fates design. It had to be.
"Maybe one day you could share one with him." Because it seems better shared, honestly.
He averted his gaze as she looked away from the sunset, lest he be (rightfully) accused of staring at her. He wanted, at least while he was here, to have a small storehouse of good memories. He would not push to make them other than they were, because that had always gone badly. But he could, maybe, enjoy a small, bright, quiet moment, to shine against all the darkness.
"I did not make the sun set." So, no thanks needed.
He nudged the bread and cheese. "If you eat things." ...do goddesses even eat?
"You are the first goddess I have met. How would I know?" Chaos gods ate the souls, or blood, or pain, of their subjects. Eating some fresh-baked bread was reassuringly normal.
"I am not secretly any sort of god. I do not crave power of any sort." Which is what gods were in his world.
"I am? There are certainly gods about." She had only met one other, Loki, but perhaps Gadriel had not had the pleasure? "I suppose you wouldn't, then. I do eat, though, just not meat." There was none here, so that wasn't an issue, but for future reference.
Loki, well, to be honest, he'd never seen Loki eat anything, either. He had seen him turn into a woman, and be blue and other things, but eat? Not that he could recall.
That was absolutely not the look or sound of him filing that away for future reference. Nope.
The dark was settling in around them, soft wings of shadow folding down. Gadriel pulled out the small bottle she had left at his camp. "Would you share this as well?"
"Of course. I apologize if it is too sweet — golden apples usually have a specific taste that I could not replicate with the mundane ones offered here, but I hope it is still drinkable."
"It will be fine." Even he knew that it would not be particularly flattering to her for him to point out he could and likely would drink it if it were poisonous, a) because he literally could and b) Ultramarine rations were terrible, so even awful-tasting was an improvement.
He held the bottle out to her. Night had fallen completely but he could swear it seemed that the bottle held a little glow, as if it had captured the last rays of the falling sun.
She took the bottle, popped the cork, and took a small sip. The liquid was indeed very sweet, and just a little tart. Drinkable and certainly not poison. Probably.
She handed it back to Gadriel. "Not my finest work, but I did not botch it entirely."
He took the bottle back, taking a sip and waiting, savoring it first before speaking. It reminded him of the night he had spent with Night Sky, when she'd fed him the glucose, sweet and earthy and almost too hot to eat right away. This was different, cool, and sweet in a way that seemed to sparkle on his tongue.
"I like it." For whatever that is worth. "You should not diminish your efforts. You did what you could in imperfect circumstances."
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The mention of not siring children was not so shocking — not because she assumed that was the case given what he was or anything, but merely because it just did not seem like something someone of his order might concern hismelf with. Doing his duty over all else likely left little time for childrearing. The second half, however, made her cheeks pinken slightly.
"You can't?" Well that wasn't fun for him, was it? "If you have never laid with someone, could you truly miss it?" Again, she didn't sound accusatory, it just made sense — why miss something you never had.
Ah, but isn't that what she did all the time? She pursed her lips. "It is not something that need be done to enjoy the company of another. I am enjoying this just fine."
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"It is...complicated." Really complicated, and stupid and embarrassing and he hated all of it. "I can," what's the delicate 'you're talking to a refined beautiful creature' way to say this? "experience things. I just cannot participate. As I should." SURE that was super clear, right?
"This place makes one expect, well, otherwise." He shrugged. He was trying to accept it and move past it.
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"Is the experience not enough, then? There is no right way to physically indulge."
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But at least she understood what he had been talking about? Around? In the general vicinity of?
He cleared his throat, wishing it were as easy to clear absolute mortification from his brain at the same time. "It has proven a disappointment to my, er, partners during my...experiences." Turned out Gadriel was fine--more than fine--with perpetually edging, but his partners had a different view.
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"It is." Wow the sunset sure isn't sunsetting fast enough to be a distraction. "When there is a lack of a. A certain response." Do not make him draw a picture. "Women feel that it means they are undesirable." That was something he did not have the skill with words to overcome. "I was not disappointed because I had no expectation or understanding of what was normal."
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"I do not know about most women, but there are plenty of ways others have made me feel desirable that did not involve a physical response." And, yes, she would have taken it as a sign of interest, obviously. "But if they know beforehand, I fail to see how they could be disappointed."
She looked up finally, cheeks still flushed. "Normal? Please. No one is 'normal.' What does that even mean?"
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"They did not know beforehand. I did not know beforehand that it was expected." To him, everything was, well, normal for him, save the fact that for once, he was not in discomfort or pain.
"Normal. Fitting in." Which he wanted to do, but was always at a loss exactly how.
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She scratched between Elion's wings. "If you do not fit in, surely I will not." They had a lot of similarities to be sure.
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Or should.
"Do not take me as a model of anything here. I made many errors I am certain you will not."
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She shrugged. "That remains to be seen, doesn't it. Oh." A nod to the horizon. "The sun is setting."
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Why could the sun not have started its downward slide five minutes ago? The clouds did not disappoint, sending streaks of rosy gold dancing over the water.
He reached into his bag--his semi-employer widow had insisted he bring bread and some cheese. He had no idea why but he knew better than to argue. It was food and maybe she wanted some food.
Except he realized he had nothing to cut the bread or the cheese except his combat knife. Well, maybe she wouldn't mind.
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Sunsets were not a thing Melinoë experienced, so she stared at it with a look of wide eyed wonder as the sun dipped low and the sky was painted with pinks and purples as light clashed with dark, the glow of the moon and the dimming sun, reflected on the waters below.
Melinoë didn't mind, or maybe she just wouldn't notice, while enraptured by the sight before her. "I was told my brother fought to seek the surface, to find our mother. I wonder if he remained long enough to see this."
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And he had grown to love watching sunsets, but he wasn't watching this one. Not really. Instead he was watching the play of light, the different colors and shadows, fall across her face, her expression of wonderment and delight, and he felt that maybe he had done something right this time.
He knew he didn't have to explain why he liked this: she understood, the way she seemed to understand the parts about him no one else did.
"I hope he did." And he hoped she would see many more here.
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Sunsets were not long affairs, but she enjoyed all of it as the sun eased down further and made way for night. She hoped Selene could see her, somehow, and knew that she was coming back eventually. Could tell the Headmistress as much. This had to be part of the fates design. It had to be.
"Thank you for this, Gadriel."
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He averted his gaze as she looked away from the sunset, lest he be (rightfully) accused of staring at her. He wanted, at least while he was here, to have a small storehouse of good memories. He would not push to make them other than they were, because that had always gone badly. But he could, maybe, enjoy a small, bright, quiet moment, to shine against all the darkness.
"I did not make the sun set." So, no thanks needed.
He nudged the bread and cheese. "If you eat things." ...do goddesses even eat?
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"I did not suspect you had, not unless you were secretly a sun god." Didn't strike her as the type. More... war oriented. Ares would like him.
She looked down, tore a bit of bread off, and handed some to him as well. "Did you think I did not eat?"
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"I am not secretly any sort of god. I do not crave power of any sort." Which is what gods were in his world.
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"Not all gods crave power."
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That was absolutely not the look or sound of him filing that away for future reference. Nope.
The dark was settling in around them, soft wings of shadow folding down. Gadriel pulled out the small bottle she had left at his camp. "Would you share this as well?"
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"Of course. I apologize if it is too sweet — golden apples usually have a specific taste that I could not replicate with the mundane ones offered here, but I hope it is still drinkable."
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He held the bottle out to her. Night had fallen completely but he could swear it seemed that the bottle held a little glow, as if it had captured the last rays of the falling sun.
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She handed it back to Gadriel. "Not my finest work, but I did not botch it entirely."
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"I like it." For whatever that is worth. "You should not diminish your efforts. You did what you could in imperfect circumstances."
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"When I am able to find some golden apples, I will make a proper one." She said cheerfully. "Without any magic involved."
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